NHL First Round Predictions

I don’t want to do a playoff picks post. No. Screw you, NHL and your little post-season too.

But… the law states that I have to do it, so I will (it’s a Federal law, not just a State thing)… but I swear I won’t enjoy it. You suck, Bruins-free-NHL.

Eastern Conference.
Who cares, the Bruins are out of it in horrific collapsing fashion for the second year in a row.

Florida Panthers vs New York Islanders. I pick the Boychuck Islanders over the Luongo Panthers, even though Luongo used to be a Lowell Lock Monster.

Tampa Bay Lightning vs Detroit Red Wings. The Wings suck. Good lord, do the Red Wings suck. Tampa Bay is without three of their best players though. They are a shadow of their former selves. Both teams should lose. Really. Go Refs! Crap, I gotta pick one… How about Tampa Bay. I pick Tampa Bay.

Washington Capitals vs Philadelphia Flyers. Yeah, have fun Philly. See you on the golf course. Washington in a cake walk. As one of the headline readers on 98.5 the Sports Hub has taken to saying, the Caps win a four game sweep in three games.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs New York Rangers. Argh! I hate you both, you pricks! I’m picking Pittsburgh, but only because I want to see another Crosby vs Ovetchkin series, with Ovi finally winning one.

Western Conference.
Who gives a shit.

Dallas Stars vs Minnesota Wild. Is Tyler Seguin still hurt? I thought I read somewhere recently that he’s hurt. If he’s not, then Dallas wins easily. If he is still hurt then Dallas wins easily.

St Louis Blues vs Chicago Blackhawks. I want to say Chicago in three (gonna use that stupid line all Spring, you know that, right?), but they’ve been in a slide lately, so I will say Chicago in four. Sorry St Louis, but you guys are choke kings. Much like the Boston Bruins.

Anaheim Ducks vs Nashville Predators. Nice knowing you, Preds. The games haven’t even started yet and the Rubber Duckies have already beaten you. Sorry.

Los Angeles Kings vs San Jose Sharks. I swore on all that I held sacred that I would never again pick the Sharks in a playoff series. You know what though? This season is already a Bruins Collapse disaster so screw it, I’m picking the Sharks. You hear me, Joe Thornton? This is your year! This is the year that Jumbo Joe drinks from Lord Stanley’s Cup! You heard it here first! Or should I say, you heard it here first which guarantees that Joe will be surfing before April ends.

There you go kids. My playoff predictions. On a final note to fans of all 16 playoff teams… suck it.


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